What I’m Practicing While I Find My Way Back to Myself
From the outside, it may look like I’m holding it all together. And in many ways, I am.
But for a long time, on the inside, it felt chaotic. Overwhelming. Unsustainable. I used to think I was falling apart.
Now I understand it differently. My nervous system didn’t feel safe. And when your system is dysregulated—especially if you’re someone who naturally feels deeply—you don’t just notice other people’s emotions, you absorb them. No one teaches us this.
So instead of trying to fix everything at once, I’ve been learning to practice something new.
These aren’t things I’ve mastered. They’re things I’m practicing.
Living day by day, moment by moment.
The Pause (Letting Go of Over-Functioning)
There’s a voice I’ve lived with for years: “If I don’t do it, it won’t get done.” That voice made me capable and reliable. But it also made me carry far more than was ever mine.
Now, I’m practicing the pause. Instead of jumping in, fixing, or overextending, I stop. I breathe. I do my part and I let the rest unfold.
Not everything is mine to carry. Not everything requires my intervention.
Conscious Empathy (Caring Without Absorbing)
I used to absorb everything around me> I’d take on other people’s stress, frustration, and pain. By the end of the day, I’d feel completely drained and couldn’t explain why. I thought empathy meant climbing into the pit with someone.
Now I understand it differently. Empathy is staying grounded while holding space. It’s feeling with someone, without taking it on as my own. Like Brené Brown teaches, empathy needs boundaries.
“I feel WITH you, but I stay ME.” You connect emotionally without losing yourself.
Not:
“I feel you… and now I AM you.” Where you absorb someone else’s emotions as your own and lose clarity about what’s yours vs. theirs.
It’s asking: “Is this mine?” And at the end of the day, letting go of what isn’t.
The Circuit Breaker (Resetting in Real Time)
When everything starts to feel like too much, I used to push through. Now I pause. I ask: “What’s actually happening right now and what am I adding to it?”
Then I reset in simple ways:
- A short walk
- A few deep breaths
- A moment of stillness
- Grounding myself (feet in the ground…asking “is this mine?”….check in with my senses, name 5 things i see, 4 things i feel, 3 things I hear, 2 things I smell, 1 thing I taste…slow my breath….step away (even going to the bathroom)… a cuddle with my dog).Not everything is urgent. Not every feeling needs to be solved. Sometimes it just needs to move through.
The Boundary Practice (Staying Inside Myself)
(I really want this to specify the energetic boundary. This is the piece I’ve been working on the most. But I’m sure i need help making it not to woo woo)
I’m learning that boundaries aren’t just about what I say “no” to. They’re about what I allow myself to carry. When someone brings intensity, stress, or emotion, I can feel it without absorbing it.
I can stay in myself.I don’t have to collapse. I don’t have to harden.I can return to my own center.
Rewriting the Old Script
Many of my thoughts weren’t actually mine. They were inherited:
- “Life is hard.”
- “You have to do everything yourself.”
- “Nothing comes easy.”
For years, I lived as if those were facts. Now, I’m questioning them. One of the simplest tools I use is this: “Until now.”
- “I’ve had to do everything myself… until now.”
- “I’ve felt overwhelmed… until now.”
It creates space for something new. I’m no longer repeating the old story. I’m rewriting it.
Staying Present (Getting Out of Autopilot)
For a long time, I lived on autopilot. Doing. Fixing. Performing. But not really being there. Now I’m practicing staying. Even when it’s uncomfortable. I notice:
- My breath
- My surroundings
- My body
Because the present moment—even when it’s imperfect—is the only place my life is actually happening.
Letting Fear Ride in the Back Seat
Fear doesn’t go away. But it doesn’t get to lead. I’ve stopped trying to eliminate fear and started setting boundaries with it.
Like Elizabeth Gilbert describes, fear can come along for the ride. But it doesn’t get to drive. It doesn’t get to touch the steering wheel or the radio. It doesn’t get to make decisions.
When it gets loud, I remind myself: “I am getting through this.” Even if I don’t fully believe it yet.
The 50/50 Practice (Letting Go of Control)
(I like bringing in the andean teachings kushkan kushkan)
I used to believe everything depended on me. Now I’m practicing something different. I do my part. And I release the rest. Not everything is mine to control. There is a rhythm to life that doesn’t require me to carry 100%. Meeting life halfway is enough.
The 50/50 Practice (Letting Go of Control)
I used to believe everything depended on me. Now I’m practicing something different.
In the Andean teachings, there’s a phrase: kushkan kushkan—little by little, step by step.
I do my part. And I release the rest. Not everything is mine to control. There is a rhythm to life that doesn’t require me to carry 100%. Meeting life halfway is enough.
Coming Back to Myself
There are moments when I feel scattered. Pulled into everything and everyone else. When that happens, I come back.
I slow down.I breathe. I reconnect to my body. I remind myself. I am here. I am still me. I can return.
Same here
Hampuy (Coming Back to Myself)
There are moments when I feel scattered. Pulled into everything and everyone else. When that happens, I come back.
In Andean tradition, there’s a word: hampuy—come back, come home.
I slow down. I breathe. I reconnect to my body. I remind myself:
I am here.
I am still me.
I can return.
This Is What Healing Looks Like (For Me)
This isn’t a checklist. It’s not linear. It’s not perfect. It’s a practice.
And I’m doing all of this in real time while I’m still showing up for my life, my work, and the people I care about.
This isn’t something I’ve figured out. It’s something I’m living. And maybe that’s what healing actually is. Not becoming someone new, but slowly, gently, finding your way back to yourself.
